Experiencing Mary Magdalene

Mary Magdalene Grotto in Southern France

I want to share with you my pilgrimage experience at the Mary Magdalene grotto in the Sainte-Baume mountains. This cave in Southern France was the home of Mary Magdalene and two others during the last few decades of her life. Saint Maxim-Saint Baum, day 10 on my trip through Southern France felt like a long-awaited journey. A journey I looked forward to and at the same time, I felt a sense of dread rising within me as the day approached.

It was a scorching 95-degree day and the sun raged along with an intense humidity that made every breath a challenge. As we prepared for the 45-minute hike up the mountain to the grotto, I geared up with a bottle of water and a sun hat upon my head. I was thankful that large, lush trees lined most of the path leading to the cave but the intense heat pulled at my senses and I had to stop a few times to catch my breath along the way. It felt as though the closer I got to the cave entrance the harder and more labored the effort to place one foot in front of the other became. I felt as though I was on a battlefield of some sort and the opposition was surrounding me and opposing me at every turn. But I was determined and continued up the winding path and the rocky incline, determined to make it to whatever it was I was making it to. I had no idea other than an intense sense that I was going to a place of great inner importance to me and my journey of waking up to all that I am.

After about 30 minutes, we arrived to a clearing with a sign that required pure silence from that point on. As I read the sign a deep sense of reverence came over me and I began to sob uncontrollably. Step by step I proceeded up the path and onto a series of steps leading to the entrance of the grotto. As the emotion welled up within me, I felt I was coming home. I was coming home to the embrace of a Divine Mother.  I kept saying, "I am home mother, I am home." I was home deep within myself to a place I had known before but had not known in this life. I felt as though every burden I have carried through this life was being released. I was laying my burdens down before my Divine Mother and I sobbed. I sobbed and wailed with the anguish I felt from all the burdens I have carried. They were heavy and painful. I had no idea I was holding so much anguish and sorrow. Each step I placed my foot upon released more and more suffering. I felt myself let go as the love entered and embraced each tender place within me.

I allowed the embrace of the Divine Mother to envelop me for it was a love I have longed for my entire life. The love and warmth of a mother who would hold me and nurture me with complete presence and acceptance. I felt the deep need I held within myself being fulfilled and I embraced her deeply. Finally, someone who could take the pain from me. Someone I felt safe with, safe enough to release everything deeply and wholeheartedly. I cried my heart out and I heard her say, "Welcome home my beloved." I continued on slowly, going inward more and more as I moved up and onto each successive step.

We were at the entrance now and my heart was in great anticipation for I did not know what to expect inside this cave. When we entered it was dark, moist and cold. I stood in the entry for a few moments taking in all that was before me and surrounding me. I was immediately drawn to a staircase off to the right which led down to a small area at the floor of the cave. I went down the stairs and stood before a small alter. Then I gazed to my left and saw the corner of the cave had a bench set in front of a stature of Mary Madeline carved out of stone. I was drawn there and I sat on the small wooden bench nearly the entire time I was in the cave. I felt a deep place of comfort and silence within myself and I closed my eyes to go inward in a meditative state. I felt her presence and I deepened the connection through my inner focus. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Mary Magdalene had sat in this very spot nearly two thousand years ago as she thought about her own life and her own journey with the Divine.

I sat for a long time in silence. I could see my breath turn to clouds as I exhaled but the chill did not seem to affect me. All I wanted to do was remain in this spot for eternity. I felt her, it was Mary Magdalene! Again my emotions welled up and I began coughing and sobbing unconsolably. I was again releasing the pain and anguish I had been carrying within me for decades and also what seemed like many lifetimes. I cried and released, and cried and released some more. I felt her embrace and her intense love fill me and hold me completely. As I opened my eyes, I gazed upon the wall and I saw sparkles of red crimson light dancing where the floor met the cave wall. This showed itself twice and I watch the colored spots dance and sparkle. I knew it was Mary showing herself to me and I felt blessed.

When it was time to leave I began to slowly make my way up the staircase back towards the cave entrance. I only made it a few steps when my emotion again gripped me and I cried out that I could not leave. I did not want to leave this place of loving communion and reunion. I wanted to remain eternally in this place with Mary and our love. I cried and poured my heart out to her and the love I felt was of such intensity, I could not tear myself away. I returned to the corner and sat for what seemed like another hour before I was ready to part from the communion and the experience. I took pictures of every nook and cranny of the grotto for I wanted to seal the memory in my heart and in my mind. Even now, as I am back home in California, I can easily return to the memory and the experience of the union and motherly love I felt there with Mary Magdalene, the love of a mother for the first time in my life.

I have received several teachings since this day and they have been teachings brought forth to refine my ways as a Divine Feminine. I will be writing about these over the next many days and weeks for they are lessons for us all and I look forward to sharing them with you. I am forever changed as a mom and as a woman of God and I am beyond thankful to the Divine family of love and light who are with me in this moment and always as I step through my journey of finding my way home to myself through the gifts of pilgrimages and connections of remembrance such as the one I felt on this most splendid and blessed of days.

Thank you God for sending Mary to me to help me heal and reconnect with the beauty, grace and love of the Divine Feminine.